I’ve always heard that God writes the best stories. I absolutely believe that this is true, but I’ve also tried to write the story myself by grabbing the pen (or at least trying to!) from His hands. When I graduated high school, I had my life planned out- who I was going to marry, college and my career. As I’ve written here before, everything came crashing down around me and suddenly, I found myself in a pile of broken dreams and ashes. I remember thinking that there was no way I would ever recover from this- life had completely changed and I wasn’t sure how to move forward. I remember a dear friend in college speaking some tough love to me: “His life is over but yours isn’t.” If I’m really honest, I never really asked God if this is what He wanted for me- I just assumed that this was it and He would bless it. I was literally trying to grab the pen from God’s hands.
One of my life verses is Psalm 118:17: “I will not die but live and tell of what the Lord has done.” I can clearly remember where I was when I heard this verse and I’ve never been the same. It was my second semester of college and I was at a college Bible study. I don’t even remember what the lesson was about but just that this verse was shared. I remember reading it and for the first time in many months, feeling hope. I knew that God was writing the story but I couldn’t see it just yet. Paul David Tripp writes in New Morning Mercies : “ You simply can’t debate it- God’s way is better than your way. His plan is infinitely better than any plan you would have for yourself.”
There are moments when I look at my life and it takes my breath away when I think about the goodness and grace of God. My husband and I will celebrate 10 years of marriage in a few months and it’s a testament to simply letting go of the pen (you can ask some of my friends who knew me when I was single- I clung to that pen tightly!) This morning, I looked over and saw my 2 precious blessings piled up in the bed with me. It was the sweetest sight as I remembered the countless tears cried, prayers prayed and the waiting (oh, the waiting!). I remember seeing the potential adoption situations and trying my best to make it work- it was literally trying to put a square peg in a round hole. God had to wrestle the pen out of my hands. I couldn’t have written their stories even if I had tried. The ways that God moved were unbelievable. God’s plans are truly better than I could ever imagine. I just had to let go of the pen.