I’m not sure what week (I think it’s week 8?) or what day (maybe 1,575??) we are on this quarantine. It’s been an interesting season for sure. I know that no one expected to be in this season but I certainly didn’t expect to be in the middle of our adoption and a global pandemic at the same time. Emotions are already running high and are all over the place but adoption has another layer of emotions.
We’ve presented our profile book to expectant mothers three times since the quarantine. The waiting to hear back is brutal. The first two situations were full of emotions because if we were chosen, both situations would have required travel fairly quickly and were right at the beginning of everything shutting down. We presented most recently last week. For the last one, the baby wasn’t due until the end of August. As we waited to hear back from this situation, we did a lot of praying. Praying for the expectant mama, for her baby and above all, for God’s will to be done. I can’t explain it other than God but we had such peace about this situation- probably more than ever before with any other one we’ve seen.
Thursday was just a HARD day. I had hit the wall emotionally with the quarantine, trying to homeschool, work, my husband was working extra hours that week plus waiting to hear if we had been chosen or not. Thursday afternoon, my son and I were having meltdowns- we couldn’t find the remote to the tv or the tablet, he was tired and I was emotionally exhausted. He fell asleep and I just cried- no real reason why, just the weight of everything.
I kept thinking about the amount of peace that I had felt that week about this situation. I turned to read John 16:33 where Jesus was talking to His disciples: “ I have you told these things so that in Me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart, I have overcome the world.” I then read John 14:27: “My peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your heart be troubled and do not be afraid.” There was such comfort in the words of Jesus. Peace not as the world understands or gives, but a deep peace that surpasses all understanding. (Phil 4:7)
A few minutes later, I checked my email to see if our consultant had heard anything from the attorney. There was an email from her saying that another family had been chosen. Tears flowed and flowed. However, there was that unmistakeable peace that had been there all week. Then it hit me: God had gone before me, preparing the way. You see, He was the one that gave our hearts such a tremendous amount of peace in the days leading up to this. The Holy Spirit lead me to turn to those words in John just a few minutes earlier. Yes, there was a raw feeling of emotion but God’s kindness and care was so tangible in that moment- I could feel His kindness and love. He knew exactly what was going to happen with the outcome so He went before me, preparing the way with the peace that only He could give. He knew that I would need to read those verses about peace and I would need peace so He began planting the seeds of peace ahead of time.
Deuteronomy 31:8 says “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Again, the kindness of the Lord. I didn’t have to be afraid or discouraged (even though there was disappointment.) I’m so thankful for the God who goes before me. So whatever road you’re on, no matter how long or painful it is, remember that you aren’t walking a path where God has not already walked before you.