I love a good journal (which is why I have to stay away from Target- they have the best journals!) I have quite a few laying around- many half written. I was cleaning out one of the closets last week and found 2 journals from about 15 years ago. I thumbed through one of them and read about moving away from home after graduate school and learning how to navigate life in the real world- the reality show that never ends. I was reminded of how God provided for everything that I needed during that time from finding a place to live in one day, making friendships and finding a church that would up being my home for the next twelve years.
The second journal was from 2008- what a year that was. I was 27 and STILL single. I was certain that by that time, I would have been married by then. At that point, my life looked nothing like I had planned. I was desperate to get married and had bought into the lie that my life didn’t really begin until I was married. I had gone on bad blind date after blind date- I began to question if my friends really knew me at all! In October 2008, I was able to travel to Croatia on a mission trip with about six weeks notice. I had no idea what God was doing but when I got that phone call about the trip, I knew I needed to just say yes. That trip changed my life in so many ways and was the turning point of trusting God with my singleness and living life in the moment. Right before the trip, I had met someone through mutual friends. It was the closest thing to “finding the one” that I had in a really long time. Looking back, I truly thought I was going to marry him but instead it lead me on a journey of truly seeking the Lord and trusting Him that He would bring my husband to me in His time. The relationship ended abruptly without much warning and I was devastated. I remember telling him on the phone that I hoped he figured out what he needed to but that I was not going to wait around for him. I was going to live my life. It would be three years later that I would meet my husband, but those 3 years were such a sweet time (painful at times) of trusting the Lord and waiting on Him.
As I read back on the entries, I realized that I only thought I knew what I wanted when I was in that relationship and praying that God would answer those prayers. However, God knew exactly what He was doing and what I needed. I truly have everything that I had prayed for and then some, it just looks a little different than what I had planned.
It’s important to remember- to look at where we were and where God has moved us now. Not only do we remember the blessings and the joys, we also remember the hard things, the pain, the trials and the grief. I think we often forget to see how God moved through the painful times because well, they’re exactly that-painful and hard. So let’s pull out the journals of our hearts and do some remembering.
“I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes your miracles of long ago. I will consider all of your works and meditate on your mighty deeds.” Psalm 77:11-12
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9TE8D5Vs8k