For as long as I could remember, all I wanted to be was a wife and a mom. I had other dreams too but these two topped the list. The paths to both of these dreams were not easy.
I didn’t get married until I was 31. By that time, I had decided I was going to get married when I was 80 or become a Baptist nun. Becoming a mom was not an easy road either. Infertility stamped itself in my story very early in our marriage. We began the adoption process in January 2014 and our son arrived in May 2014- 2 days before my birthday! I can remember when we arrived at my parents’ house from the hospital- I looked at my mom and said “They let us leave the hospital with a baby. What in the world are we doing?” I spent the first year of motherhood questioning what in the world I was doing (and not realizing at the time that I was struggling with post adoption depression- there is a such thing!)
I clearly remember my first Mother’s day. M was weeks away from turning 1 and we had survived the first year. We were at the beach with my parents and I was laying in the bed, crying because I was so grateful for this little boy but feeling so overwhelmed with the responsibility of shaping him for the next 18 years. I’m not sure exactly what I prayed but I felt the Lord whisper to my heart, “Just point him to Jesus.” Simple but powerful words. That’s our jobs as moms.
I’m sure that I’m not alone in feeling overwhelmed at the task of motherhood. Today’s society doesn’t help things either- so many things are put in front of us as the “right way” to do this parenthood thing. Read this book, buy this gadget, try this method. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve bought into it a few times. It allows for comparison to sneak in, which is the ultimate thief of joy and gratitude. I have some friends who are amazing birthday party planners for their children- just the thought of it makes me anxious. For me, the simpler the better. I have other friends who always seem to be having these fun adventures with their children. For us, an adventure is a fishing trip or a walk in the yard going on an adventure. None of these things are wrong- it’s different for everyone.
There are days when I don’t feel like I’m enough as a mom. I feel guilty because I work all day and then when I get home, there’s more stuff to be done. I feel like I don’t spend enough time teaching him things- even though he’s learning tons in preschool. There’s always the urge to do more with our kids, to be more. The reality is that God has given us all that we need to parent the children that He gave us. He is enough for us. His grace is sufficient for us in our weakness- which includes temper tantrums, potty training, diaper explosions and sleepless nights. (2 Corinthians 12:9) All of it. As moms, we are what they need. Let’s not forget that.